Can counselling help with grief?

Many people find it can. Grief is not an illness, and counselling will not take it away, but it gives you regular, unhurried time with someone who will listen to whatever comes up, without needing you to be strong or to move on. It can be especially welcome when friends and family are worn out, or when you would rather not burden them.

What happens in grief counselling

1. A first conversation. Your counsellor asks a little about who you have lost, how you are managing and what you hope for. You share as much or as little as you like.
2. Regular time to talk. Sessions are usually weekly, at the same time and place, so there is a steady space for you.
3. No set path. A good counsellor follows you. Some weeks it is tears, some weeks anger, guilt or numbness, and some weeks it is just tiredness.
4. Making room for memories. Many people find it helps to talk about the person, the last days, and the things left unsaid.
5. Looking after yourself. Together you may think about sleep, routines, anniversaries and the days you are dreading.

Is what I am feeling normal?

Grief looks different for everyone. People describe sadness, anger, relief, guilt, numbness, forgetfulness, poor sleep, and sudden waves that arrive in the supermarket. There is no correct timetable and no set stages you must pass through. A counsellor will not tell you how you should feel. Many people find that simply hearing that their reactions make sense is a comfort in itself.

How many sessions will I need?

It varies. Some people come for six to twelve sessions around a loss, some come for a few weeks at a hard time such as the first anniversary, and some prefer open-ended support for longer. You do not have to decide at the start, and it is fair to ask your counsellor how they usually work. You can also begin when you are ready, and that may be months or years after the loss.

Roughly what does it cost?

Private counselling in the UK is commonly from £45 a session, and often more in big cities. Some counsellors offer lower-cost places, and hospices, charities and some workplaces offer bereavement support free or by donation. Check the length of a session and the cancellation terms before you book.

Where it fits alongside NHS care

Your GP can talk to you about how you are coping and about local bereavement services, and the NHS can offer talking therapies if grief is becoming overwhelming. Many people use private counselling alongside this, or while they wait. It does not replace medical care, so please don't stop or change any treatment on the strength of counselling.

When to see your GP first

Please see your GP if you cannot sleep or eat for long stretches, if you feel unable to get through daily life, if low mood is not lifting after many weeks, if you are drinking more to cope, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself. A good counsellor will ask about this and will tell you if another route is better first.

If you need to talk to someone now

• Samaritans on 116 123, free, any time, day or night.
• Cruse Bereavement Support on 0808 808 1677.
• NHS 111 for urgent help.
• 999 or A&E if you or someone else is in danger.

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