I'm struggling since someone died, who can help?
A bereavement or grief counsellor is often the first person to try. They give you regular, unhurried time to talk about the person you have lost and what life feels like now, without needing you to be strong or tidy about it. Struggling after a death is a very human response, not a sign you are doing it wrong. Friends, family, your GP and charities can help too, and you do not have to wait until it feels bad enough.
Who can help
- A counsellor. Someone trained to listen and to help you make sense of what you feel. Some counsellors specialise in grief and loss.
- Your GP. They can check on your health, your sleep and your mood, and tell you about local NHS support.
- Bereavement charities. Many offer helplines, support groups and trained volunteers, often free.
- People around you. A friend who will simply sit and listen, or a faith or community group, can matter a great deal.
- Gentler support alongside. Some people find reiki, relaxation or art and writing sessions help them rest and feel less alone with it.
If you need to talk to someone now
- Samaritans on 116 123: free, any time, day or night.
- Cruse Bereavement Support on 0808 808 1677.
- NHS 111 for urgent help that is not an emergency.
- 999 or A&E if you or someone else is in danger.
Try something tonight
If nights are the hardest part, a gentle guided relaxation recording can give you somewhere soft to rest your mind tonight.
Relaxation recordings are not medical treatment. Please only listen somewhere safe where you can relax, never while driving.
Or see someone: find counsellors near you
180 counsellors in the Practitioner directory, each with a phone number. Pick your town:
Or by what you would like help with: loss and bereavement · Also: holistic and reiki practitioners · Also: other therapists
What happens with a grief counsellor
The first session is a chance to say who died, what has happened and how you are managing. You do not have to tell it in order or hold back tears. Your counsellor listens, asks gentle questions and does not tell you how long grief should take. Sessions usually last 50 to 60 minutes, once a week, in person, by phone or on video. Over time many people find the weight shifts a little, and they have more room for memories as well as pain.
How many sessions will I need?
There is no right number. Some people have a short block of six to eight sessions, and others prefer open-ended support for several months or longer. Grief does not follow a timetable, and a good counsellor will review with you how it is going rather than push you to be finished.
Roughly what does it cost?
Private counselling in the UK commonly costs from £45 a session, and often more in big cities. Some counsellors offer lower-cost places, and bereavement charities and hospices often offer support free or for a donation. Ask about the price, session length and cancellation terms before you begin.
When to see your GP
Please talk to your GP if you are not sleeping or eating for days on end, if you cannot get through daily life, if low mood is not easing, if you are drinking more to cope, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself. Grief is not an illness, but it can affect your health, and your GP can offer support and referrals. Counselling can sit alongside NHS care, and a good counsellor will tell you if another route is better first. Please do not stop or change any medicine because of what you read here.
More questions
Is it normal to feel this bad?
Yes. Grief can bring sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, exhaustion and trouble concentrating, often in waves. If it feels too heavy to carry, reaching out is a sensible step.
Should I wait before getting help?
No. You can talk to someone straight away, or months or years later. Some people feel ready quickly, and others need time first.
Do I have to cry in counselling?
No. You can talk about practical things, memories or anything else that is on your mind. A counsellor follows your pace.
Can I see a counsellor if the death was years ago?
Yes. Grief can return at anniversaries or big life changes, and many people seek support long after a loss.
What if I am supporting a grieving child?
Your GP or school can point you to services for young people, and some charities offer support for children and families. Many counsellors also work with younger people, so ask about their experience.